Particle Devotion

by Particle Devotion

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released October 22, 2015

Particle Devotion is:

Brian Bell - Vocals, Guitar, Piano, Synthesizer, Percussion
John Cleere - Bass
Scott Graves - Drums
Clyde Bates - Synthesizer, Sampler, Percussion, Saw
John Mann V - Vibraphone, Synthesizer, Vocoder
Nick Garrison - Trombone
Chloe Johnson - Vocals
Ryan Erwin - Guitar, Vocals, Synthesizer

Recorded & Engineered by Ryan Erwin at Baton Rouge Music Studios
Produced by Ryan Erwin, Brian Bell & Particle Devotion
Mixing & Mastering by Ryan Erwin
Album art by Sarah Kershaw
Copyright 2015 Particle Devotion, All rights reserved


all rights reserved



Particle Devotion Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Track Name: The Way it Was
particle devotion held me when i saw the way it was
peering through the green and blue it died and i was born again as us
sat underneath the flag
triangles on our cheeks
flew back to the west half suspended in our peace

the cold came much too quickly
brought me twisted thoughts and made-up girls
fucked up my stomach so i ripped myself out of that world
and i've no way to know where such lines might go
but i only hope to know a taxi is getting her home
Track Name: Beautiful, Bright Mess
there's a beautiful image
a beautiful, bright mess just off of I-10
lately I think of her often, I just lay and imagine soft skin and calm wind
in the summer we had sat on the grass and nervously laughed by the port and downtown
but I was not over december, no
I was a mess

now there are 700 miles of interstate gravel between my town and hers
and from the looks of this traffic it would take 1,200 minutes, but you can be sure
that I would excitedly count them, account for each second like rosary beads
some soft, simple penance for july

but maybe I won't ever get back to valhalla
maybe my life just won't go back to the way it was before
but I am hopeful of broader agencies
just like a resting pendulum

but there are times in this life when all is sweet
breathing is easy
everything is right where it should be
see, even as I sing a child is born and suddenly there is such green to all I see
there is such love surrounding me

maybe I ain't never been nowhere but valhalla
maybe my problems are all illusions I create in delusion

why suffer?
Track Name: Pause Button
i hit the pause button on my mind
so i could re-characterize
all that came after as meaningless
and therefore much less dangerous
to my storyline and my secret life
my lover's eyes and another time
i keep them tucked away inside
oh how i need them tucked deep deep inside

so if things should stay bad or get much worse i could say "hey friend well you know of course"
we're coming apart at the seams but i'm safe and whole here in these memories
where the rain drips soft off the cyprus trees
the sunset's light fills everything
i take her hand and say "hey you know i'm feeling better i'm feeling home"

but i know now
the world don't shut down
even a thick frown must hold out in faith for another lift

just in this ghost town it's easy to drop out
it's easy to block out the sounds
the beautiful mess

but there in the summer
in the french theatre
the childish laughter had drowned out the demonic hiss

and even when it's bitter
i can still feel her
no one went nowhere
it's all still here it just keeps on changing shapes
Track Name: Casey's Song
flames are growing, flee before you burn
this life is changing and kid you're gonna learn that nothing lasts now
everything changes somehow

your father's aging, his father's in an urn
the wheel is spinning but i guess it ain't your turn to be in love now

if all that you can see
is not how it should be
how could you concieve
of things getting better

the past is fading
cloaked in a disguise
your interpretation shrouds it in a lie
it felt so different in the moment
but dont be frightened
see every fire dies
new life will blossom and right before your eyes there is purpose
and there is goodness
and all the love that you could need is here in me
i am sorry for the things that i have been
but please forgive me and be my friend tonight
those shadow monsters creep ever nearer to my side
Track Name: Far Away
come to me
lay with me by the riverbed, my love
we'll be lazy
be happy
share some secrets

i will build us a home with my own bare hands
ill cut the timber
mix the mortar
make it perfect

we'll have some kids
maybe 3 or 4
give them names from some book that you loved once in your youngest days

the leaves will change
our bodies will age but that feeling will stay and when you lay with me you will see
it will be the same

everything i could want comes to me in a vision that is so far away
Track Name: Stockholm Syndrome
a frightened tyrant lying bare beside the wife of his foe
she whispers curses of the night she donned his terrible robe
longing for childhood and summers spent in jessica's van
but just rolls over and mumbles "no no no you wouldnt understand"

there's nothing you could do

by the cathedral and the square at the center of new rome
the festival explodes in white roses, confetti and drums
the blacksmith's squire spots his lover on her father's shoulders
he looks on enraptured crying heroin and magadalene's blood

there's nothing you could do
Track Name: Johnny Mac
johnny mac was a sailor of the lonelier type
he used to dock in a port town and go drinking at night with the young bastian women in fine irish linnen
fresh skin and a smile underneath of the stars

they would drink 'till the morning
they would dance 'till the dawn
stumble our of the tavern
fair french maids on their arm
but not so for ol' mac
he'd make the long walk back to his ship
to his hammock and parrot alone

but all of that time spent in quiet isolation had taken a toll on his delicate heart and in the dark he would chart out a course more worth sailing, plot out a route blowing back to the start of some silence inside us and peace in the moment, of children in meadows of barley and rye, of a wife, of a bride in a blue dress and green eyes
skin glowing bright as the sea at first light

one fine day in november
in a shop near the shore
he laid eyes on a gypsy as she came through the door in a blue knitted shirt and some knickers she cut
her hair in a string and the dawn in her eyes

and he thought "surely this girl is the sign i've awaited
this radiant light, incarnation of god
all that's left is to know her and love her and keep her from harm
start out anew in these arms
and where once there was darkness and anger and sadness, now is overflowing with milk and divine golden eyes
a smile full of warm, joyous longing
forgiving all i've done in my wretched life"

well here is a new thing
a feeling i've never had
oh, this life, it is not just a sad repetition, a purposeless organ we must keep alive

it's brimming with love, now
all flowing inside itself
our bodies are gardens that we tend

we are so young and so green, now
the loveliest sounds in this house have shaken the floorboards and the beds

and i'm inclined to believe that two lovers have never had what the gypsy and johnny did in that endless spring
Track Name: They Are Back Again
i made a friend of you in bitter wintertime and wanted nothing more than a blankets' touch
and made you promise me that you would take your pills
and loved you so damn much

so these are gracious months
like re-rolling my cuffs
sporting boyish clothes
feeling scared of blood
stealing katy's shirts
changing in my room
the back strap of your bra
like krishna's pocketwatch

they are back again

so i will starve mysef as long as i can
i will be beautiful, like a summer home
and when we die, my love, i hope it feels like march
like crying in our clothes
like sharing secret thoughts
Track Name: I Thought
i thought i was a unique being
the star of the grander scheme
but now, after some more living, i see clearly
i am a passing thing

i want to love as honestly as god
as a thirsty tree, a bodhi leaf
as my mom

but how my selfishness can make an awful mess of such pure joyousness, of honest contentedness
come to me, happiness
my sweet, my kind mistress and take me far from all distress
make me whole
come on and make me whole
just start the car and take me home
just start the car

i've loved
i've loved so earnestly
and lost
i've lost things so dear to me
but now, after some more thinking
i see that it's me causing such tragedies

it is

but things are different now
im feeling better now
fresh out of birkenau
i'm on the up and up

just a brief acknowledgement
some vague admonishment
total enlightenment, what a noble cause
but these days im seeing the father everywhere
these days im seeing the father everywhere
these days im seeing

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